It is not by talking that we love a person. Most people shout very loudly their love -- "love, love, love!" It sounds disgusting. If you truly love a person, people would sense it without seeing you, without hearing from you. If you do not have the duty of being a Master or any great mission that requires you to leave home, you should treat your family well, take care of your relatives and friends, and influence them by love. True love is not shown by word of mouth -- not by talking. If you truly love your husband you should learn how to cook well for him and put on makeup to show your beauty to him.

Being a wife previously, I did not dress up when I went to work during the day. It was truly like that. For whom do you dress up for during the day time? Even if the whole world adoringly stares at you, what benefit would you get? If your husband does not even want to look at you, can you bear it? During the day time it is necessary to protect and nourish your skin by putting on skin cream, etcetera. In the evening when your husband comes back, then you may light up the candles, wear beautiful clothes, and put on makeup for him. It should be like this that you love your husband; it is not by talking.

You do not know how to cook, your body smells awful but you just do not care, and you dress like the head of a gang of beggars everyday; but still you expect your husband to love you. How can he? He is merely a human too. He has his own shortcomings. He has his preferences, but nothing in you can delight him. Still you force him to love you, but even God cannot force him!

I know this kind of situation would be uncomfortable for the husband. He wants to love his wife but he cannot. There is nothing that can make him love her.

Therefore, when we love a person, we should be aware of what he loves the most, and then offer him what he is fond of. Only in this way can you say you love him. It's not by speaking repeatedly day and night, without taking care of yourself and your family.

The house is not cleaned for two or three months. The face is not washed for two months. You dress untidily. Even though you dress up beautifully when you are away from home; but after you come back home, you look like a beggar for your husband. This is because you do not understand the essentials.

If you give much thought to your marriage, it must be happy ones. You don't have to be as pretty as Hsishi (an ancient Viet beauty). Every girl is pretty in some aspects. If you think you are not beautiful, you can learn how a movie star walks, how a beauty sits, and learn how she takes care of herself. Nowadays, you can learn these things by reading books or making a phone call to consult a specialist. You can learn. There is no reason why a wife or husband cannot do house work.

I think it's not a question concerning practice, but you often come over or write letters to ask about family problems which trouble you the most. I understand that if you do not have peace with your family, you would have no way to calm down, you would not be able to enter samadhi when you meditate. Marriage is also connected with practice. That's why it's said, "Buddha's way cannot be isolated from the mundane way." I cannot just say because they are mundane things, I will not answer your questions. However, you did not apply what I have told you. All of you said, "I understand! I understand! I have listened to many boxes of video tapes." (Audience laughs.) But you always ask the same questions.

The problem is not that Master does not answer you, rather you do not practice what I say. If medicine is prescribed, but you do not take it, then your disease will not be cured. Master has talked and told both husbands and wives; but there are some trivial things you have not yet learned, such as you should brush your teeth for 3 - 5 minutes. If you do not know how to brush, ask your dentist. You may brush twice or three times! Brush, then brush again or twice more. Your teeth should be clean by then. Nowadays there are many kinds of mouthwashes, perfumes, soaps, etcetera, which can remove body odor.

You should dress beautifully to look nice. The clothes do not necessarily have to be expensive ones; otherwise, you would not be able to change them everyday. You may make them yourself or buy cheaper ones, colorful ones. If you are lively, whatever clothes you wear would make you look beautiful. It's not necessary that they have to be expensive ones.

Most of the clothes I wear are made here -- very cheap. I just buy a piece of cloth, it can be made immediately into a dress. Sometimes I go to buy clothes on sale on the roadside. That colorful skirt I wore two weeks ago was bought in Taipei. It's worth less than a few dozen NT dollars only. The way it's made is also simple. You all said Master was beautiful, but in fact it did not cost much.

Don't buy dress that are too expensive; otherwise, you cannot change frequently. Be wiser. They are sold cheaply in some places, but they are beautiful. It's good as long as it suits you. If you knew how to match your clothes, you would look better. This wouldn't cost you much. No need to complain that your husband didn't give you much money, so you cannot make yourself beautiful. Only a stupid person would donate money to dress shops. We should donate to ourselves, instead of the bosses of dress shops. (Audience laughs.)

It's the same for men. When you practice, sure you should wear simple clothes -- comfortable and loose, which make you feel comfortable when you sit. However, when you go back home or go out with your wife, you should dress fashionably, tidy yourself up, and make yourself look good. Accompanied by a handsome, nice looking man, the wife would be proud. Do you think she would like to go out with a beggar? (Audience laughs.) You want your wife to look beautiful and nice, then how about yourself? You wear worn out sports trousers when you sit in the Ashram, and when you take your wife out, you still wear clothes like this.

Practice has its principles. Going out to do worldly things also has its principles. The two cannot be mixed up. Then you complain to me: "Practice makes me become like this." You guys really humiliate your Master. You don't know when to advance and when to retreat. You don't know the proper way. You don't know what to do according to the situation. You don't know how to handle an altered situation. That means you do not have wisdom. Master's disciples should not be like this. Don't shame my name. If you are like this, don't tell others that you are the disciple of the "Ching Hai Wu Shang Shih Supreme Master Ching Hai Zhu." (Master and audience laugh. Audience applauds.)

It's not very difficult to obtain something, but it's difficult to keep it. You have to know what to do. You have to pay the price for everything. Is it not so? If you want to have a Benz, you have to pay back the loan for a period of time. The Benz also drinks gasoline like a fish and you need to pay a lot of insurance. You also have to pay a lot of money for the maintenance of the car. If you want to keep a Benz, you have to pay the price. Or you may buy a Yulong or some other model of car.

You became careless after you got married. You did not look after yourself. Then your husband ran away from you and you came crying to me. What's the use of crying to me? You should go to the beauty parlor and cry, then they will help you and tidy you up. (All laughed.) They would cut and perm your hair, stretch your skin, cut your eyelids, prop up your nose, and rebuild your ears. These things may help. But what's the use of crying to me? Even if I can summon the wind and rain, I cannot call your husband back. Sometimes when I see you, I also want to find another wife for your husband. (Master and audience laugh.) You yourself are in a mess, but you still force your husband to love you. How can it be possible?

Nowadays both the wife and the husband have to look after themselves. The body has to be clean -- bathe frequently, brush your teeth and rinse your mouth carefully. Go to see your dentist or other doctors regularly. See what needs to be fixed and fix it. You have to be neatly dressed. If you dress untidily with clothes that are worn out, your husband would not even want to look at your face. How could he love you? Those girls outside, they are not married. Therefore they put a lot of attention on applying powder, spraying perfume, taking baths, brushing teeth, visiting beauty parlors, etcetera. You have to look after yourself, then your husband will love you. This is the person you were before and this is also the reason why your husband loved you, isn't it?

It is a psychological problem of we human beings. It's the same for both men and women. Having one is not enough because one person only has one quality and is only good in one aspect. For example, if she can cook, then she is not good at cleaning the house. She may know both -- how to cook and clean the house, but she may not know how to do other things. Maybe she doesn't know how to put on makeup. Even occasionally going out with her would make you lose face and want to hide her somewhere. When she goes to talk with others, they would hold their noses because she smells awful. Sometimes when the body smells awful or is dressed untidily, everything is terrible. In addition, if you cannot even cook, then "Good bye!" (Audience laughs.)

We cannot force others to love us, if we are not worth it. If you failed to be a good husband or wife, you have to think for yourself: "Why have I failed? How can I improve? Can I succeed next time? Why couldn't I do well in this aspect?" If you really cannot, then quit. If you can, then improve yourself; learn diligently until you succeed. It's as simple as that! Why does your husband love another woman? We don't have to hate her. We should go and learn from her whatever advantages she may have. If you know that woman, go and learn what made your husband fond of her, and do the same after going back home; or you may do better than she does. Then your husband would of course not want to leave you. It is because the husbands or wives love us that they married us. Where has that love gone? It is impossible that the love has disappeared completely. It is we who did not take care of the marriage, or we did not pay much attention to it, or did not love the husband or wife, or were too lazy to improve ourselves. Later we realize that it was our fault; but then it is too late.

It's the same in doing worldly things. If we want to succeed, we have to work hard. Understand? Worldly things have to be done in a worldly way rather than in a spiritual way; otherwise, it is taking useless advantage of the spiritual power.

When I was in Africa, I got to know a prince and several princesses. They told me that all the members of the royal family have to learn witchcraft and a lot of magic. They would then be able to know who is bad, who is good, etcetera. They can also make you love them using their magic, which would make you follow him without your awareness. Is there any benefit in using magical power?

Long time ago, when disciples just started to come, I did not have time to teach them. One female disciple's husband left her, so she came to me and cried loudly. She requested me to teach her magic, to make her husband come back and love her. I told her, "I don't have such magic. Even if I had, I would not impart it to you. I do not like black magic but I know a lot of white magic. Do you want to learn?" She said, "Yes." I said, "You should speak a bit softer, put on makeup more beautifully. Occasionally you should wear new clothes, but not necessarily expensive ones. You should sometimes change your moods; do not always be sweet, graceful or stubborn everyday. You should occasionally change according to the situation."

This is because men like different kinds and different characteristics of women. It's the same with us, the woman. You cannot like only one characteristic everyday the same -- dull (audience laughs), without a change. It seems good but not truly good. Sometimes it is not bad to be a little bad. Have a change!

Most men like variety. If you already know this and you also want to keep your husband then keep changing yourself. Otherwise take a few woman home as wives for your husband. What do you prefer? If you prefer having peace in the family and keeping your husband at home, take a few wives for him because he likes variety and different characteristics for different days. It would be the best if you could play various characters to meet his needs. It's the same for the husband. Then the family would have peace and there would be no need to come to me and cry loudly.

You all have magical power. Keep your body clean and sweet smelling all the time. Rinse your mouth and brush your teeth before you talk. Don't do this: after eating garlic and onion, you go to him and tell him, "I love you!" (Master and audience laugh.) At that time, no matter how romantic it may be or how many candles you light, it won't help. Those trivial matters may scare him. I was scared previously.

If someone smells awful, I cannot bear it. I would want to vomit and cannot talk with him about anything. My attention would be diverted, and I would always think: "Why didn't he clean his mouth?" I would keep thinking like this and my mind would not be able to concentrate on him, but only think how to escape from this atmosphere: "When will he stop talking?" or "How can I let him know it?", etcetera. All the inspiration would be lost. So don't blame him for not loving you. How can he love you? He does not even have enough time to try to run away from you! If you were him, you would not like it as well!

But it also depends. Maybe your husband likes that kind of smell, then keep it! (Audience laughs.) You have to clarify this with him! For those people who are at high levels, they will not like that kind of awful smell. Therefore we have to raise our level, look after ourselves without blaming others. In case someone doesn't like us or your husband or wife runs away from you, we have to ask ourselves: "Why?" Truly and frankly ask ourselves what mistakes we have made and whether we have achieved what the other party has expected us to achieve. Then we would know the reasons. No need to come and ask Master and request for magic. That's no use! Even if I taught you that kind of magic -- like seizing your lover's heart, controlling his mind, making him stay beside you, would you prefer this? Would you love that dull-looking wife or husband who is obsessed with you? He would not truly love you, but would be only bound and lost in you. His mind would become confused. He would start to like what he did not like before. It's also a kind of mental disorder. Would you like this abnormal wife or husband? (Audience answer: "No, we would not like this.")

Therefore I tell you that magic is useless. We should only convince others with our own qualities, virtues and inner beauty. Externally we respect ourselves, which would be pleasing to the eyes of others; your voice would melt the hearts of whomever listens to it; or our behavior, action and the manner with which we treat others will touch them. This kind of love will last longer instead of resorting to magic so easily.

I know that family problems trouble you the most, don't they? (Audience: Yes!) Sometimes it makes us feel bad. I know it. For example, you are very loyal people. Especially after initiation, you want to abide by Master's instructions and sincerely want to take care of your family -- loving your wife or husband. But sometimes you cannot bear it; you feel bad, struggle, and feel guilty. I know these are the most troublesome things that bother you. But some wives just stagnate and refuse to improve. She does not look after herself, does not care whether her husband loves her or not, does not care whether she is attractive or not, whether she is lively. She does not express to her husband that she respects and cares about her husband's opinions. She doesn't even care whether her husband loves her or not. Both the husband and the wife are stuck there. The husband, as well as the wife, are like this. Both blame each other and drag each other down. One rots, the other rots more. No one cares about the other. Then it becomes worse and worse until no one wants to look at each other, and finally throws the precepts back to Master and says: "I feel really bad. I'm sorry, but I have to find another one anyhow." Sometimes it's useless to find another one. Changing to another doesn't mean things will become better. Later it will be the same. You marry another lady and she will rot as well as the previous one, exactly the same.

After marriage few people still try to preserve the marriage -- respect each other like a guest, or pay attention to one's behavior and manners, as well as the internal virtues and attractiveness. Most people who annoy each other, stick there and become worse and worse. Life can not be beautiful like this. If you want to be monks, you may come here and rot together, no problem. But if you want to live in society, you have to try to protect your family -- offer each other a joyful atmosphere and make life happy. When you are at home, you should look after yourself and look after your husband or wife. Sometimes the husband should remind her, ask her: "Why haven't you combed your hair lately?" Ask her: "How long since you last took a bath?" Say it humorously. Remind each other and respect each other.

If we lose our spirit, the marriage will be lost for sure. Both parties cannot attract each other. If we ourselves do not want to live, how can the other party love us? We do not have inner spirit; we do not want to strive; we are not happy inside and do not care about anything. If you do not care about yourself, who else will care about you? Your husband is also a human being, not a piece of wood. All human beings love truth, virtue and beauty. If something is beautiful, for sure he will like to look at it. But if the one at home is so ugly, of course he will look somewhere else. I would do so as well. (Audience laughs.) Then you blame each other. That's no good!

We have to examine ourselves first. If you do not know how to cook, cook according to the recipe! Life is busy for some, that's true. But some are not that busy. The husband goes to earn money, and you stay at home. You may use some of the time each year to learn something. You may tell yourself that within these three months I must learn how to cook. Even though you know nothing about it, you would know after you learn it! I'm sure it would work. I guarantee it! There are many places that teach people how to cook vegetarian meals. Even though you cook meat dishes, you still have to learn. Those who do not want to follow Master's teachings and who are not fellow practitioners would still have to learn if they wanted to cook meat dishes for their husbands. Since you were never taught to cook when you were young, how can you know this automatically?

After learning how to cook, you may continue to learn how to make clothes, how to dance, etcetera. It's not enough just to cross your legs in practice everyday, you should also accompany your husband for leisure activities. What happens after you become a Buddha? -- Aren't there still things to do? Life still goes on. Is that not so?

Therefore life must have some variety and vitality. Otherwise you may also build a cave, lock yourself inside, and die! (Master laughs.) If you want to die, die definitely. If you want to live, live with spirit, interestingly and meaningfully; because we also have to set an example for others. Otherwise, everyone would think that after learning with "Ching Hai Wu Shang Shih The Supreme Master Ching Hai Zhu" (audience laughs), one becomes good at nothing and even looks worse than before -- dressing like the head of a gang of beggars.

After eating what you cooked, he even considers escaping abroad to study (audience laughs). Or you cannot speak even a sentence properly. "I-do-not-want-to-talk." But you still have to talk! Do you think I like to come to talk every Sunday? But if I have work to do, I do it well. I have to read and research. Sometimes what I read is not used. It doesn't matter. Sometimes I make use of a book or a story, and it provides leads or extended meanings for other stories. With reference to history and examples, you can understand immediately what I am talking about.

Even though this world is by no means permanent, God has granted us this life and this body. That means Hes wants us to do something with it. Hes gave us a husband or a wife, so Hes want us to take care of him or her, cooperate with each other, live and learn together, respect each other, learn to be courteous in life. So we have to do it well. If you cannot even handle a husband or a wife, what else can you do -- run for presidency? (Audience laughs.) Too many people run for it. You don't have to try. You will not be able to squeeze in. You don't have much chance. Practitioners like you only know how to cross their legs. It looks awful sitting in the president's office with crossed legs. When state affairs are waiting for you to deal with, you say: "I haven't finished two and a half hours meditation yet. (Master and audience laugh.) I have told you that it's okay to run for the presidency or office, but you have to do it well. If you cannot deal with trivial matters, you will not be able to handle great works.